I was reading today in John about the disciples that deserted Jesus. It’s not a story I usually spend a lot of time on, but today I found myself really thinking about it. I am not referring to the more well known passage of abandonment that occurs just prior to the crucifixion, but rather a much earlier event.
At the opening of chapter six, Jesus has just completed some pretty significant Son-of-God-identifying miracles. He has healed an official’s son with mere words, sparked a revival in a Samaritan village, healed a lame man, fed 5,000 people with one lunch box, and walked on water. Even though it is early in His ministry, now is surely not the time to begin doubting this man’s identity.
Yet immediately after Jesus’ water-walking feat, He suffers a huge loss of support when He begins a controversial message regarding the bread of life.
Apparently the people who had experienced the miracle of a free lunch are hoping for breakfast. Jesus immediately calls them out on this and tells them to search for eternal food from the Son of Man, instead of another meal. The conversation about heavenly and earthly breads (or Old Testament manna versus New Testament ‘bread of life’) soon lapses into a declaration of Jesus’ roots. He explains:
For the bread of God is He who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world. (v.33)
And like the Samaritan woman before them, the people want to taste this bread; and who can blame them - who wouldn’t want to never hunger again? But when Jesus starts defining this bread further, stomachs begin to turn, and the praise directed toward Jesus begins to sour:
At this the Jews began to grumble about Him because He said, “I am the bread that came down from heaven.” They said, “Is this not Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How can he now say, ‘I came down from heaven’?” (v. 41-42)
Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat? (v. 52)
But Jesus continues on this thought, saying that unless the people “eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood,” (v. 53) they will not find eternal life. Of course this is a metaphor for the new covenant which Christians today can much better understand thanks to the commentary of Paul, but people of Jesus’ day may have suspected Jesus was promoting a holy form of cannibalism. And according to this scripture, Jesus never fully explains His teaching. Even His disciples are confused. “This is a hard teaching, ” they say. “Who can accept it? (v. 60).
The only explanation Jesus provides is the fact that no one can come to God unless enabled by God.
But I find myself wondering how I would have reacted to such a teaching had I been there? It is this teaching which turns many away – even those who had seen the miracles of Jesus. What is it that would have kept me in the sheepfold if I were there?
From this time many of His disciples turned back and no longer followed Him. (v. 66)
No matter what sufficient answer I might drum up from this side of the New Testament, there is really no way I can know what I might have done. Perhaps I too would have deserted Him, writing Him off as a backyard Nazarite who coerced a following with spellbinding words and magic tricks. Or perhaps I would have been one of the chosen ones who refused to leave Him, having seen too much of God and fulfilled prophecy in this man to turn back for my parents’ house.
I have no way of knowing, but I am thankful that I do not question Jesus’ deity and identity today. I have seen too much of His crazy love and power in my life to go anywhere else. I may seem out of my mind to others who desire sign after miraculous sign from the God who must prove His existence before earning allegiance. And that is how the disciples (who stayed) were probably perceived.
From my twentieth century perspective, I believe the cross is enough. Creation is enough. His daily present love, grace, and provision is enough – even when circumstances scream otherwise. Enough to prove Jesus is who He says He is.
This must have been something like what the others concluded. And I think Peter says it best:
Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God. (v. 68)
Even when they didn’t understand Jesus, they stayed with Him because they knew He was truth. That He was who He claimed to be. I pray that we all can walk in this same faith – even when we don’t understand, when we miss the metaphor because of our shortsighted mortal perspective of this life, when we crumple in confusion and flirt with doubt. When we are tempted to desert Him, may we remember all that He has proven Himself already to be: miracle worker, provider, redeemer and crazy-unabandoning lover.